Equation. (Step 1)
I rarely allow myself to wallow in any sort of emasculating self-pity. Things that don’t serve a defined, tangible purpose are often times boring to me. Self-pity ranks very near the top of that esteemed list.
But, I also know that I have been fortunate enough to make decisions thus far in life, that if given the impossible opportunity to recreate each moment, I’d potentially go about things differently. Notice: I referred to them as decisions, not mistakes. You should do the same.
Moving forward…
As a child, I had an incredible ability to perform mathematical equations in my head. I only say this because it was written as such about my as a sixth-grader in The State newspaper. I remember these things. I hated science, unless it included math. Biology? No. Physics? Now, were beginning to speak my language.
I was the kid who wanted to learn the formulas in math class. I believe I liked the principles of it all; each formula would be the same today, as it was yesterday, and as it would be tomorrow. My childhood didn’t always come complete with everyday formulas, where I knew each variable and could figure out what their purpose and value was. I guess I latched on to things I could.
I got tired… most importantly, I got lazy. I didn’t push myself. And because of this, I didn’t get the grades I was capable of, I didn’t go to the school I should have, I didn’t major in what I truly desired to, and now FIVE YEARS LATER… I don’t have a degree coming anytime soon.
It’s time for me to go back, punch in the numbers to the equation, figure out where it all went wrong… and solve for ‘x’.
Someone found this pup and brought him to Heathwood. Seriously debating on taking him home. (Taken with instagram)
A New Lesson Learned
I was running errands today, when I was overwhelmed with a sense of uneasiness and self-disappointment. I know I haven’t been operating at the level I should.
When I got home, I parked in my driveway, opened my bible app on my iPhone, and searched until I came across Matthew 6:14-15.
I needed to be informed about forgiveness. I need to forgive and be forgiven. After reading the verses, I researched other people’s interpretation on forgiveness—I wanted to share in their feelings, hoping it could help my own.
Afterwards, I was able to exhale deeply, and it felt as if the weight was lifted from my body.
I am truly blessed, but to continue to Serve, I must do as my Father has.
And today, it starts with forgiveness.
Improvement.
I’ve figured out that free time is the catalyst to my overactive mind. I find myself alone for extended periods of time, and I can conjure up these thoughts that are fairly hard to believe.
I’ve had to evaluate a lot of things in my life, beginning with a look in the mirror.
I hate having to evaluate myself.
But I’m smart enough to know that it’s a necessary process of life. I try to come up with the top 10 words to describe myself, whether favorable or unfavorable. Typically these aren’t shared, because I can’t let other’s opinions affect my opinions… maybe my decisions, but not my opinions.
